Banana Waffles.

"you say it best - when you say nothing at all." from the song When you say Nothing at all written by Paul Overstreet and Don Schlitz.

"It's the fish John West rejects that makes John West salmon the best" plus new award winning advert campaign without a voice over but with a lyrical music background.

Two jumping off points which vaguely illustrate one of the core tenets of my poetry writing process. Not that I have a conscious process - I've never been that organised. But it sounded almost like I knew what I was talking about there so I thought I'd roll with it

Less is more - is another one.

There we go - three jumping off points.

This is beginning to head into Spanish Inquisition territory - I must try and reign myself in.

Obviously I have a very different 'writing head' on when I am blogging as opposed to my 'poetry head' - while readers may well yearn for the less is more approach in my blogging, it is a reflection of my conversational style and that is characterised by long garbled sentences, not enough pauses for breathing and frequent apparently wild leaps into subject areas that only make sense much much later.

Now what was I meaning to say? Oh yes - poetry.

There are a number of reasons why I write short poems.

1. I get bored easily.

2. Short poems seem to deliver their essence to the reader in a quick concentrated HIT . I like to think of my poems as injections rather than ointments. Stab, squeeze and leave the reaction up to the body the poem has penetrated.

3. Short poems can be packaged in a pleasing way.

The longer a poem gets the more straggly and unwieldy it becomes on the page. For my comedy poems that may not matter too much. But when I write a 'serious' poem I am often very concerned with the overall 'howness' of it. How does it lie in its space? Is it surrounded or engulfed? How does the title relate spacially as well as conceptually? Does it need something below it as above?

A small neat poem when properly presented can be satisfying in itself - even without reading the words.

Like a well presented dish of food - for me poems (the best of them, the nouvelle cuisine of them) should delight the eye before the other sensory organs.

There are other reasons too - but I'm getting bored now so I'm going to stop with this list.

When it boils down to it (and that is another good analogy I didn't intend at first but now like and won't remove, so you can tell this isn't anywhere near my 'poetry' head on) I have often started with a longish (for me that is more than 10 lines of more than 15 words each) poem, pruned and more than decimated it (does it annoy you as much as it does me when people use that word without any deference to its pure mathematical meaning?) to realise that the final poem is far far better than the wordy original.

My very shortest poem is entitled Loss. I think it illustrates my entire blog post better than all the words already said. See what you think.

Loss.

Gone

one.

I am experimenting with using my own face as an avatar.

It's quite a brave move for me as I have all sorts of concerns about putting myself onto the internet. Most of them quite irrational

I have always been a secretive and private person - but I came to the conclusion that if I am publishing my poems, the essence of who I am is already 'out there' and the image of the vehicle I inhabit might as well be out there too.

So for the moment my avatar is my own face.

OK I'm not that red, but as I don't wear make up I thought I could be allowed to use some tinting of the image to give a 'made up' look.

If only I could wear lipstick in real life that would look as good as that tinted effect.

In real life make up looks extremely strange on me and I hate the feel of it as well, so it just doesn't happen. Yet I have loads of cosmetics which have been bought over the years in a vain attempt to find some product that wouldn't make me look worse and wouldn't make me feel like a greased pig

I stopped buying it a year or so ago. I don't think I will ever buy another cosmetic again.

Let me know if you think I should put my face away again. I don't want to frighten anyone

It still goes on. Numerous declarations of 'shock' that someone so famous as Michael Jackson could die!

Are people seriously that deluded?

Are they beginning to believe that the super-famous are God-like and invulnerable?

Such ridiculous statements as 'he had every reason to believe he had many decades ahead of him.'

Come on - as soon as someone starts abusing pain killers and undergoing unnecessary surgical procedures they have every reason to believe any day might be their last. In truth any one of us could die at any time for all manner of reasons, fluke or otherwise.

Being famous does not provide a shield of immortality. It doesn't even provide a greater likelihood of common sense.

All it means is more people know who you are. If anything it increases risk of all kinds. Stress leading to health problems, substance abuse, mental health problems. Increased likelihood of being targeted by deranged 'fans' and stalkers - more trips in personal air craft and more likelihood of being around folk who are 'under the influence' of whatever is their poison of choice.

The truly incredible thing is that they survive as long as they do.

It is cruel to view celebrities, stars, etc as 'other' from the rest of us. It dehumanises them and allows them to be 'used' as toys for our entertainment - so many people defend the rights of animals not to be exploited. People are animals too, they deserve to be allowed to live healthy wholesome lives without being warped and destroyed.

What happened to Michael Jackson should be a clear warning to everyone about the disastrous consequences of foisting fame and stress on a child.

There are so many examples of how exploiting children destroys them - but all the public focus on is the glitz and razzamatazz. Wake up and smell the coffee - something is rotten in the entertainment business! In fact it may well not be coffee we are smelling but something far more unpleasant.

It is sad that Michael Jackson has died. I hope his children will be looked after properly and by that I mean their emotional well being rather than cash money.

BUT - I am amazed at the things being said now he has left the world.

Given that he lived an extremely disordered life, repeatedly underwent major surgery for non essential procedures, obviously had various health issues - I don't know why people are so astounded that he has died.

Yes he was very young - but a body can only take a certain amount of self abuse before it collapses under the strain.

Like Elvis, Michael lived a strange isolated life in a world of his own, yet both of them were constantly under the glare of publicity with their private lives picked over, analyzed and judged in minute detail. Michael outlasted Elvis by 8 years.

The stress involved in such a life especially when the person is in a fragile emotional condition is toxic, leading to numerous problems and all of them are destructive.

Yet people seek fame and imagine that financial success coupled with world recognition will bring happiness.

How many more destroyed lives must be played out for the public's 'entertainment' before the truth is recognised?

This fame culture not only destroys the 'stars' but takes down family members, people they come into contact with and damage in turn and so on and so on. Like a poisonous pebble thrown into a pool, rippling its toxins and tainting the water and killing whatever good lived in it.

Michael Jackson, Jade Goody, Farrah Fawcett, Elvis Presley - all people who suffered tremendous stress in pursuing their dream of fame and fortune and only a small few of those fallen in this process over the years.

I am thankful for the things that ground me in my own life, obscurity is a wonderful gift. Less is more. Every single time.

I am going to put a poetry book together properly and then I am going to find an economical way to publish it and then I am going to sell it.

I am going to give myself a deadline of getting it done in time for people to buy it for Christmas and for me to give it to people for Christmas.

If you want to see a very rough approximation of the stuff that will be going into it you can have a gander here on authonomy.

If you may be a possible future purchaser of this book - and you would like a poem included from my many and it isn't already on the index - please speak up at this stage. Who knows if i will ever publish another, so this could be your only chance.

I am hoping to keep the purchase price down to the absolute minimum and so it will be a very basic paper back as I have just dodged a bullet as far as complete and absolute penury is concerned and I don't want to visit that neighbourhood again

So let me know what you think and if you can recommend any self publishing bods along the lines of lulu or lightning source - please let me know. I am veering towards Lightning Source at the moment as their website seems more professional and sensibly organised.

http://tinyurl.com/lntt6u

Playing his album now!!

http://www.argostolifm.gr/index.asp#

Click on the link and then click on listen live - the program starts at 10 PM UK time/midnight Greek time and is on for 2 hours.

He's 17 and will be playing and singing live (acoustic and probably covers) but hopefully some of his own stuff. They said they will also play some of his recorded album stuff.

He plays the drums, all guitars,keyboards, sings and writes the songs and records and mixes and produces all of his work himself.

I think his music is extremely good.

See what you think

I have been bowled over by the response to the poetry (The Alternative Poetry Book ) I placed online at 'authonomy' -   Harper Collins' website for writers to showcase their work.

In its first week it has risen to be the top performer in the non-fiction and popular culture categories, placed number two for the 'other' category & in the top five for the 'comedy' category.

For the 'All genres' weekly category I am currently at number 10 !

Pretty amazing for a poetry book in my opinion!

Many, people have said they would like to own a copy/s of my work and I would like to make that happen. At the moment I have NO MONEY - so any vanity publishing types looking to make a fortune out of me up front had better not bother wasting their time LOL

I need a literary agent. An agent who is comfortable to deal with fun, irreverent, innovative and extremely commercial work. I need someone who is interested in finding a client whose work will be popular, inspire repeat purchases of a series of books, and who isn't afraid to represent someone uninterested in being seen as a 'serious poet'.

I see my poetry in bright cheerful covers, possibly small books along the lines of the Blue Day books published by Andrews McMeel( a fellow authonomite suggested this would be an ideal imprint for my work) and marketed as fun poetry for people who don't usually read poetry, by someone who doesn't write the usual sort of poetry.

My work has a flavour of British humour, but many of its readers are from the US, Canada, Australia and other English speaking countries and it appears to appeal to all nationalities.

I would prefer that the poems were teamed up with some suitably quirky images - one a page, but at the moment the important thing is finding someone who can make things happen and who is the right representative for this body of work.

I have at least 200 poems on a variety of subjects as can be seen on my poetry4fun blog.

I write at least one new poem a day, often four a day, and can easily write to order on a theme if necessary - although I have enough already written to 'bundle' it.

Although my work is available online - my poems are the sort that people want to return to, have to hold & keep, and read aloud to their relatives and/or friends - so I don't think the fact it is online is a disadvantage to sales - especially if the books are well presented objects - and I would be happy to sign books to make them more 'desirable' if that was considered appropriate or beneficial.

I am also about to start recording pieces to place online as performance poetry - some of these are songs as well as poems.

So a DVD collection (or more than one) is also a possibility.

Bottom line - not interested in being a 'celebrity' - but happy to do low key promotional work necessary to ensure steady sales, happy to do poetry readings and  'tour' as long as expenses were covered, happy to do online marketing and promotion.

Since I started putting a bit of effort into my poetry4fun blog this year,  posting poems regularly and making use of Twitter - I have reached the stage where visitor figures to my silly poetry blog are in excess of 7,000 a month! This is not page views - but individual visitors! 
During February (Valentine's season) I got 12,884 visitors - to read my mean and funny Valentine poems.

There has to be an agent out there who can and wants to make a successful publishing deal out of that kind of popularity surely?

There are buyers out there for novelty, fun books which can be given as presents and gifts. I am particularly certain that the mean Valentines poems would do well as gifts between couples who 'don't do' slushy romantic, but have a more fun attitude to their relationship. They might also do well as card verses teamed up with a suitable image.

So, are there any agents out there who want to give it a try?

Let me know if you have any suggestions.